Summary: Obi Wan makes a confession to Padme after her rage wounds his soul. Takes place during Episode III. An Obidala (well kind of). A very sad fic.
Categories: Episode III: The Revenge of the Sith Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padmé Naberrie Amidala
Genre: Angst, Drama, Romance
Foreign Language: None
Chapters: 5 Completed: No
Word count: 4990 Read: 25693
Published: Mar 08, 2008 Updated: Mar 08, 2008
1. Chapter 1 by Brown Eyes
2. Chapter 2 by Brown Eyes
3. Chapter 3 by Brown Eyes
4. Chapter 4 by Brown Eyes
5. Chapter 5 by Brown Eyes
She was far too beautiful to cry. Or at least that's how Obi Wan felt as he sat next to her and watch the icicle tears fall from her almond eyes. Padme was too lovely. too bright too have to cry like that. And yet she did.
Every night since the "death" of Anakin and the birth of Lord Vader, Padme had come out under the sparkling night sky and wept. Wept for the galaxy in turmoil, wept for the child in her belly had no father, but most of all she wept for her husband, her love, her Anakin.
And every night as Padme sobs rang out beyond the heavens, he was right by her side. Always there to trying to ease the agony of living, wipe away her crystallized tears, and silently cry with her. She never asked why he came nor did he give an answer. But in a way the answer was clear. It had always been clear.
Love. Obi Wan was utterly in love with Padme Amidala Skywalker. He couldn't explain why he loved her so, or truly how it had ever come to be. They had always been friends, but nothing more. He had accepted that and he kept the way he felt hidden away. But that didn't stop his heart from loving her. Not even when she fell in love with and married his best friend.
"Obi Wan?" Padme's soft fragile voice jerked Obi Wan out of his thoughts. Transfixing his troubled gray orbs back on her, he could see that she was no longer crying but looking almost expressionless.
"Padme is everything all right?" Obi Wan asked, his voice revealing more emotion than he would like to show.
She simply ignored his question.
"Obi Wan, why did my Ani have to fall?" Padme said her voice quivering with raw emotions, hard lines of pain etching into her face.
"Padme, he isn't your Ani anymore." Obi Wan said carefully, taking her small ivory hands in his. "He isn't even the Anakin we both loved."
Padme's expressionless face twitched in pain as she listened to his words.
"You avoid my question Obi Wan. Is that because you know the real reason why Ani fell? Because you pushed Anakin to the darkside." Padme hissed as she tore her hands from his. Her face had become dark with fury and her deep brown eyes smoldered with anger. Her voice grew louder she went on. "YOU PUSHED HIM INTO THAT LAVA PIT ON SULLUST KILLING HIM! YOU'RE THE REASON MY CHILD AND I HAVE NO ONE! YOU VILE MAN! I HATE YOU!" Then letting her anger take control of her acts, Padme slapped him across the face as hard as she could.
Obi Wan felt a deep howling sob inside his belly as his cheek muscle tensed. But he did nothing. Just stare blankly at a horrified shock on Padme's face as he allowed what had just happened to sink in. She hated him. He silently adored her and she loathed him. That sickening truth made Jedi's heart want to bleed in misery.
"Oh I'm so sorry Obi Wan, I didn't mean what I said." Padme stated sincerely, try to touch the place on his cheek where she had struck him. But Obi Wan wanted no part of it. He just jerked away and stood up. His heart had nothing more to lose anymore.
"But you did mean it Milady, and your right. If I were a better master, I could have saved Anakin from Palpatine. But I wasn't good enough. And since I repulse you so, I promise I will make my presence to you invisible." Obi Wan replied his voice dripping with formality as he kept his emotion filled eyes pinned to the ground. "But you will never be alone, nor have you ever been. You have always carried my heart and soul unknowingly in the palm of you hand. And now you've seemed to have crushed it. But I'll still be here protecting you... loving you... even if you don't want me to be."
Then avoiding the shocked look on Padme's face, Obi Wan bowed and began to walk away when Padme caught his arm.
"Oh Obi Wan, I never knew..." Padme's said softly, her voice full of pity and sadness. She once more tried to touch his rough cheek, but was once again rejected.
"I don't think I could withstand another blow to my already broken heart." Obi Wan's melancholy voice pleaded as he kept his gray orbs away from her. "So please Milady, let me go."
Not saying a word, Padme released his arms from her grip and watched as brown robes fluttered into darkness.
"I Just Love You Too Much"
Padme bit her lower lip nervously as she knocked Obi Wan's chamber door. She needed speak with him...end this silly fight that had gone of for days. End the guilt the racked her conscience. But most of all she just wanted her friend back.
Fidgeting with the worn shawl that covered her barely showing stomach, Padme waited of her Jedi protector to swing open his door and welcome her with open arms. But like most things people in vision, that simply didn't happen. Rather the door stayed motionless and the room it closed of was still covered in the same thick silence as before.
Her porcelain fist began to pound furiously on the door.
"Obi Wan please!" Padme's shaky voice pleaded with him. "Please speak to me!" But there was still dead silence.
A lump of despair formed in her throat as she backed away from the door, back slamming into the wall. The one she needed to be they're the most, her mainstay Obi Wan Kenobi didn't even care anymore.
Horror began to sweep over Padme when she heard the simplest buy loveliest sound in the galaxy. The sound of a door opening. Before she could let Obi Wan to change his mind, Padme swiftly entered the small dark room closing the door with a thud.
"Obi Wan?" Her soft voice questioned as she scanned the room. But she couldn't see him; she could barely see anything with only the moon's reflection lighting the moon. "Where are you?"
"Here." Padme heard his raspy tone coming from the window. Hesitantly, she made her way towards the window. And as she got close to him she saw the Jedi Knight with sad eyes, standing there in the pale moonlight.
"Obi Wan I-"
"Ani use to love the night sky. I remember when he was younger he would stare longingly up into space for hours." Obi Wan recalled as he looked out the window. A faint smile danced his lips but his gray orbs still held pain. "He never got bored of that great world up their, I suppose because he knew that one day his greatness would challenge that of the night."
Obi Wan smile faded as he turned away from the stars and looked upon Padme's delicate face. "Every moment of everyday I blame myself for Anakin's fall. There isn't a second when I don't think 'I should have died that day on Naboo. Qui-Gon should have trained Anakin; he could have kept him on the right path...Qui-Gon could have saved him. Things could have been so much different, so much better...'"
Obi Wan paused for a moment, and for the first time in many years, Padme caught a glimpse of something written all over his face that made her insides shudder. It was a childlike, almost primitive sort of misery. It was as if he had lost all his mental and physical strength, and now he was no more than frightened young Padawan.
"And I loathe myself for living, Padme. I loath myself because I know it all my fault. Everything from-" Before he could finish Obi Wan words became choked with a cry. Letting his legs give out, he let his body slide to the icy floor as he sobbed.
"No Obi Wan, it's not your fault." Padme cooed taking his shaking body into her arms. "None of this is. If it is anyone's fault it's that bastards Palpatine. You did nothing wrong, you were a good master."
"But what about the things you said?" Obi Wan whimpered into her brown velvet curls.
"I didn't mean what I said. I was upset and I said things I didn't mean Obi Wan. I don't hate you, you're my best friend." Padme said firmly but gentle as she cradled him in her arms. Soon after her declaration his moans of pain subsided, and he just allowed himself to sink into her arms as the silver light glowed around them. He was at peace now... even if it was only for a little while.
Pulling back from the hug just a little Padme let her eyes fall on Obi Wan's worn but handsome face. And for one brief second, she almost saw her husband instead of his former master. He reminded her so much of her Ani...
In a moment of desperation and longing, Padme kissed him passionately.
And Obi Wan kissed her back just as passionately.
But then he jerked away suddenly, fumbling awkwardly out of the embrace. Backing away he cried out, "I can't! I can't!"
"No... please..." Padme pleaded reaching out for his rough tender hands. "I need you..."
"No Padme... I can't" Obi Wan breathlessly replied as he regained his sense. "I can't kiss you and be with you when I know I'm not the one your thinking of..."
Padme just sat their, her chestnut eyes transfixed on his.
"I wish I could...but I can't play second best... I just won't."
Her lips began to quiver.
"I just love you too much... I wish I didn't... but I just do..."
Tears began to swell in her almond shaped as she watched his strong figure get up from the floor and head for the door.
"I just love you too much..."
Sobbing Padme hid her head in her hands so she wouldn't have to watch him walk away from her once again under the light of the moon.
"I Just Can't Say"
Padme smiled to herself as the warm rays of sun shone down on her and Obi Wan from the heavens. After tons of forceful pleading, she had finally gotten Obi Wan to let her spend her most out the manor's garden. He hadn't liked the idea at first because she was in such a fragile state in her pregnancy, but like always Padme got what she wanted.
Placing her hands on her large round stomach, she sat back taking in the site around her. The rich colorful flowers...the glorious sun...her child...her good friend at her side...everything was so perfect.
But Padme knew that was a lie.
Maybe the setting around them was perfect, but her relationship was far from it.
Yes their friendship went on as somewhat normal, but ever since that night of woe, everything Padme had thought she'd known had changed. She had so much she wished to say too say to Obi Wan ... wished for him to know... her soul needed to make a confession to him. But with any mention of that night, the Jedi simply changed the subject or just left the room all together.
Sighing, Padme looked over at Obi Wan as he meditated next to her. He sat there on the emerald knoll; his figure proud and full of the Force. For the first time in a long time he seemed like the way he use to be...so full of inner peace. It was the way Padme liked to see him.
"I hate to disturb him when he's like this...but I have to say something." Padme thought simply to herself. But their were confessions that still needed to be heard... still things that needed to be said... and Padme would be the one to do it.
"Obi Wan?" Padme's delicate voice made Obi Wan's electric blue eyes snapped open.
"Padme what's wrong." His voice and face was full of concern, because something usually wasn't right when he interrupted his meditation.
"Nothing wrong, I just need to speak with you." Padme thought carefully for a second before she went on. "Obi Wan we have to talk about what happened between us."
Padme stopped herself when she looked over at Obi Wan. All in a matter of moments is body had become stiff, his handsome face story, and his eyes dark like a stormy sea. Padme didn't like what she saw... but that still didn't quiet her.
"Obi Wan we really must..."
"No Padme, we really don't have to talk about. There is nothing to talk about." Obi Wan's voice cross as he turned his brooding face to her. "You know the hell that brews within my soul... you know my true feelings... you know everything. I have nothing to say about what happened that night!"
"Well what about me? What if I have something to say?" Padme replied, her big brown doe eyes filling with a mixture of hurt and anger.
"Than say it, Milady..." Obi Wan's snapped.
"Fine then! Obi Wan I-" But before she would finish an overwhelming pain torn though her. All she could do was clutch her stomach in misery and let two simple words escape her lips. "The baby."
After a whirlpool of screams and agony, Padme Amidala Skywalker had given birth... to not one baby but two tiny little pink wonders. A wide eyed boy who had be called Luke after the legionary Jedi and a fiery girl who was given the name of the Nubian goddess of strength, Leia. The wild pair, who had entered the galaxy in fury, now slept soundly in their bassinet under the watchful eye of their mother.
Even though she was weaker than ever, Padme could not help but glow with pride as she looked at them. And neither could Obi Wan. He also couldn't help the fact that pure admiration shone in his face as he looked at the twins. Even though he didn't want to admit it, he wished he was Luke and Leia's father.
"Oh Padme... those two are amazing." Obi Wan said in awe as he tore his from the babies to their frail mother. Her chestnut curls were mattered down with sweat... her ivory limbs limp with exhaustion... but to Obi Wan she had never look more beautiful... more radiant. "You amazing...
"Thank you Obi Wan." She replied with a tired smile as she kept her brown eyes fixed on both him and the twins. "They are so beautiful... so precious..."
Obi Wan nodded in agreement... they were the most beautiful babies he'd ever seen. But before he could celebrate them anymore he had to set something right. Take Padme's china doll like hand in his for a moment before he began to speak.
"I'm sorry for how I acted early in the garden...I was horrible. And I know you had something you wished to say... so please say it Padme...I'm listening."
Padme gazed at him for a moment unsure of what to say. Not long ago she had wanted so badly to confess the secret the swelled in the bosom of her soul. She had needed to tell him.
But now as she looked upon his gentle face... stared into his crystal blue orbs... she couldn't. Couldn't because it would hurt her children... her Anakin... because it would hurt him.
So with a smile to hide the pain she softly said "Oh...nothing..."
Alderaan, About Three Years Later
Obi Wan mercilessly scolded himself as he stood outside her bedroom door. He shouldn't be here in the Royal House of Organa trying to gather up the courage to see her. He shouldn't be here at all. Rather he should back on the sandy planet of Tatooine watching over Luke, protecting the galaxy's new hope.
But when he saw Bail's distressing holomessage... explaining how her body was destroying itself with every breath; and how she longed to see him before it was to late... Obi Wan simply knew. Knew that he would travel across the galaxy to see her one final time.
So the brave general risked capture and exposure to come to see her on Alderaan. It was very foolish ... but how could he refuse ever refuse the woman that he adored?
Now after facing the wrath of the Empire to get to her he could do nothing more than stay rooted at the door. He found himself to cowardly to face the fact that the brilliant...exquisite Padme Amidala Skywalker was dying. That was something Obi Wan didn't know if he could face.
"She needs you Obi Wan" Bail's somber voice echoed in his head, tell him what he had to do.
Taking a cleansing breath and centering his soul with the Force, he pushed open the heavy door and entered her airy chambers. The room was beautiful with it's cozy furnishings and momentos of shining innocence that was so long ago; but Obi Wan paid no attention to any of it as he stood in the doorway. All he could do was gaze lovingly at the fragile woman lying in the bed, and her sleeping little girl at her side.
For a few moments the Jedi watched unnoticed as Padme stroked her daughter's chocolate curls. It was true that her illness had taken its toll of her, for her smile no longer sparkled like it once had and her eyes had lost their naive glow. But to Obi Wan she still was the most stunning woman in the galaxy.
He could stay in the shadows for hours and love her safely from afar.
Or at least that until he heard an all too familiar voice awakened him from his daze.
Padme felt a joy run though her as she saw the figure in the doorway come closer after hearing his name. At first she had though she was see things again. like she often did now in her sickly state. But when she him timidly walk towards her, his blue eyes shining and his kind face glowing she knew it had to be her dearest friend. She knew it was her Obi Wan.
"Hello Padme." Obi Wan said with a shy smile as he reached the edge of her bed. He wasn't sure what he should truly do or say to her after so long. So he just stood there like an embarrassed young Padawan.
"I can't believe you came. I didn't think you'd get the message. I didn't think you'd." Padme trailed unsure of what to say. Old words. old feelings kept rushed back to her at the site of him.
"I'll aways come to see you Padme, no matter what the risk." His voice a hushed whisper as he sunk onto his knees so his eyes could be level with hers. Taking her small doll like hands into his rough ones, Obi Wan continued. "You know that don't you?"
"I know." She managed to squeak out as she felt a comforting chill run up her spine at his touch. To think it had been so long since she'd felt the warmth of his touch. Oh how she'd missed that touch! "I've missed you so Obi Wan."
"And I you." And for a moment the content smile that had been etched on his tired face had faded into a sorrowful one. But masking his emotions the Knight quickly continued. "Oh Padme I have so much to tell you! So much you will want to know about Luke!"
The utter of her son's name sent her weak heart into flight. "Yes! I want to know everything! I must know everything! Oh and I have so much to tell you about Leia. I also have to tell you that."
Padme felt an all to familiar feeling begin to flutter in her heart. Maybe after all these years everything left unsaid would finally be brought into the light.
"Obi Wan I-"
"Mommy." A sleepy voice groan from her other side. An angel-faced child with the eyes of an old soul was curiously looking at the man on her mother's side. "Who's that?"
Padme stuffed down her words into the deepest chambers of her soul and put on a smile for them both. "This is a dear friend, Obi Wan Kenobi. He's going to be staying with us for a while."
"Love Is Never Enough, But It´s All I Have To Give"
"I can tell you 'I love you' as many times as you can stand to hear it and all it will do is just remind us the love just isn't enough. It's not even close"- George, "Life As A House"
Suppressing giggles, Padme watch from her spot on the terrace Leia clung furiously to one of Obi Wan's legs making it impossible for him to walk across the emerald knoll. The two of them had played like that for hours in the Alderaanian garden as Padme looked upon them from her makeshift bed.
"Don't they look marvelous together? They almost seem like a family. " The former Senator mused as the golden rays of the suns poured onto her sickly skin. It truly had been wonderful having Obi Wan for these past few days. Not only had she gotten back her dear friend and learned so much about the son she would never be able to know; but also Leia was quite taken with him. The serious child, who never seemed to like strangers had let her guard down for the Jedi Knight, she had allowed herself to make a friend.
With these simple joys Padme's heart felt content. Well, as content as it could be without her son and husband. But with the contentment came a realization that it was all ending. That her marker had decided it was time for her to journey from this world to the next. But being the stubborn woman that she was, Padme wasn't ready to leave just yet.
"I win! I win!" The pitter-patter of trotting feet and Leia triumphed shouts peeled Padme out of her daze. Before the ill woman stood her daughter smiling flourishing.
"You most certainly did Milady. You are just to fast for me." Padme saw Obi Wan voice from behind the tiny child, a wry grin across his face.
Leia's smile grew even wider and her eyes lit up with excitement. "Mommy did you see? Did you?"
A smile parted Padme's chapped gray lips. She was just like Ani, always demanding to be the center of her universe. "Yes darling I did see and you were wonderful. But now you must run along and see Auntie Yane. I need to speak with Master Kenobi."
Leia's face twisted in childish annoyance. "But I want to play!"
Obi Wan's mouth opened as if were to hush Leia's protests, but Padme got to her first.
"You have played more than enough for one day." Her voice was stern and cool like was when she had been Queen. But not even the famed ruler could keep up the charade when she looked into her daughter's velvet eyes. The stone was broken with her soft melodic laughter. "Oh darling give me a hug!"
Without hesitation the little girl tumbled into her mothers arms. Padme held Leia's delicate body as close as she could, letting her daughters love soak into her heart.
For the weary woman knew it would be the last chance she would ever have.
The two friends sat on the makeshift bed and watched as the suns of Alderaan dipped low into the western sky. Obi Wan wished he could stay here in this bliss forever, his beloved's delicate hand cupped in his coarse one.
But as wonderful as the moment was soon the radiant warmth of day would end make way for frigid frost of night. And the Jedi would end this happy moment, for the sake of her well being and his hearts.
"Padme, it will be nightfall soon. I think it's time I took you inside." His soft accented voice coaxed.
Padme shrugged at his words. The former politician was very good at not listening to things she didn't want to hear. She just gazed off at the blazing suns and began to speak. "Do you know that I should have died giving birth to Luke and Leia. Well at least that's what the healers whisper."
Obi Wan's gripped her tiny hand tightly in shock and horror. 'What was she saying?'
As is she had heard his words, Padme gave him a no nonsense answer "Oh Kenobi we both know that's the truth. This body of mine wasn't made to bare a child, let alone twins. It was a miracle that I lived though the labor." Another smile came across her ashen face as she turned towards him. "But I'm grateful that the Marker let me stay this long. Even though my time is running short now, at least I got to spend some time with my babies and those I love."
The Jedi Master swallowed hard at her words. He didn't want to listen to her talk this way. It was bad enough to have that dark cloud looming over his every moment with her stabbing his soul. But now she wanted to talk about her own demise. No, Obi Wan couldn't stand it.
"Padme I don't wish to speak of such-"
"Shh." She patted his rough hand tenderly. "Let me speak Obi Wan. I have so much to say but my times grows less with every passing minute. Let me speak."
With her intense coco eyes boring into his grayish ones, he simply nodded. He could never dine her no matter how much she could hurt him.
"Promise me you'll watch over and protect them Obi Wan. Promise that you'll make sure they will think well of their Father. That they'll think well of me. That I love them." Padme had taken on a desperate tone and her eye brimmed with sorrow. "Promise me Obi Wan."
"I promise." He answered with a gentle smile. "I promise."
Relief seemed to fill Padme has she lied back on the smooth pillow, but her face still held it's serious tones. "I still have to tell you one more thing."
Obi Wan's felt himself grow uneasy but he tried not to show it as he squeezed her hand. "Padme what is it."
"Obi Wan I'm-" Padme stop for a moment, as if she was unsure to go one. But then it was as if a wave of reassurance came over her. And she began to speak again. "in love with you."
Her words sent daggers to his frail heart. Obi Wan jerked his hands away from her as a haunted melancholy feeling returned to him. 'What was she saying? Was she taunting me? What about Anakin? Oh Force.Anakin!'
"But how? Anakin.you love him. That night.you saw Anakin not me!" Obi Wan shaky voice rambled as he looked away from her. For so long he had dreamed of her to say those words to him. And now that his dream had been made a reality.it only filled him with pain and shame.
"Obi Wan listen to me! Listen" Padme cooed as she tilted his head up to meet her gaze. Her feather like touch gingerly caressed his cheek as she attempt to clam him. But he merely flinched at her burning touch.
"Obi Wan I don't understand how I can feel this way.or how I can love you both." Her sorrows began to well up into tears. "And that night when I kissed you.I wanted so badly to pretend you were Ani. Then you left because you loved me too much.and I felt my heart break in too Not because Anakin wasn't their, but because you weren't. And as I cried I realized that I was in love with you."
Obi Wan just stared at her dumbfounded.
"So many times I tried to tell you how I felt. Tell you that I love you too. But instead I locked my feelings inside the inter-most chambers of my heart. Because love can never be enough, it's not even close. We both know that. We both have suffered though that."
The general let a miserable grunt escape his lips as he watched a milky tear stream down her pale cheek.
"Oh it was so cruel of me to tell you these things when now nothing could be changed. I never should have tortured you this way Obi Wan. But I couldn't leave this world without telling you I loved you." By now Padme hands had long since slid from his face, and now she rested her limp arms around him in an awkward embrace. "It may not be enough.but it's all I have to give."
Obi Wan wrapped his arms around her lithe figure in response to her words. Like she had said, love could never be enough for them for they were beings ruled by their duties. But for now, it was all that they could give.
"I love you Padme. I always have and always will." Then he bent down and kissed her. There first true kiss.
Obi Wan broke away from the kiss, and for the first time in so long he saw a hint of her sparkling smile that he thought was long since dead.
"And I love you Obi Wan." She sighed heavily and snuggled into the curves of his chest closing her deep brown eyes. "I think I'll sleep for a while."
Obi Wan just pulled her closer to him and kissed her silky curls. He just cradled his beautiful sweetheart his arms, fighting back the tears in his stormy eyes. For he knew that as scarlet sky turned to glittering night. She'd never wake again.
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